How to let go: Releasing explained.

You’ve probably heard people say “just let it go.” Sounds logical and the right thing to do. But how exactly do you ‘let go’? What is the mechanism of letting go? And why do we resist letting go, even though resisting means continued suffering?

Letting go of resentments, fear and control are central to emotional well-being, but few of us were ever taught the ‘how to’ of letting go.

Let’s clear up the confusion and explore what releasing ‘is’, what it ‘isn’t’ and how it may benefit your life.

What is releasing?

Releasing is an innate human ability to allow emotions to come up and be experienced without resisting, analysing, suppressing or expressing them (getting in the way).

At its core, releasing is about letting go of the internal pressure that keeps us emotionally stuck and is at the root of reactive behaviour.

Consider homeostasis. The innate intelligence to regulate internal systems such as temperature, blood sugar and heart rate.

There is also emotional homeostasis. A state of emotional balance or equilibrium. For whatever reason, feelings and emotions were not expressed. They begin to accumulate and express themselves through compulsive behaviours or physical illness. The body does not want to hold onto stored emotions, and they start to ‘come up’ when external coping strategies are no longer relied upon.

To highlight this point. Imagine you go for a run. Do you need to instruct your body to increase lung capacity as you’re going to require more oxygen to fuel the muscles? No. Do you need to instruct your body to open up your pores so you can sweat? No. Once you finish the run, do you need to instruct your body to reduce your lung capacity or stop sweating? No.

So why do we think we need to control our feelings? Why do we think we need to ‘let go’ or do something for the body to return to a state of emotional homeostasis?

The answer is you don’t. The answer is to let go resisting. Feelings and emotions will keep coming up as the body naturally wants to return to balance. The question is, are you willing to allow what has been unexpressed to come up and be released?

How does this work? Let's look at the process of releasing in a step-by-step process.

1. Notice the feeling as a collection of bodily sensations

Releasing begins by letting the feeling come up. There are three ways to notice that a feeling is arising. Directly, through the bodily sensations. Indirectly, through the quality of your thinking. Or behaviourally, through the desire to change the feeling state by the use of a pseudo-solution. Releasing is not a cognitive process. It is not necessary to label the feeling, as labels cannot be released.

2. Allow the feeling to be there

The next step is to let go of any resistance to having the feeling in the first place. Get out of the way. Let go of any moralising about having the feeling. Let go of any judgment about having the feeling. Get into the radical experience of what is actually being experienced. This can be uncomfortable, especially at first. But by dropping the resistance to what is being experienced, the energy behind the feeling is then allowed to rise, peak, and fall away. Just like a musical note on a piano.

In releasing, feelings are not personal. Let go of the idea that it’s ‘your’ feeling and be with the experience of the bodily sensations which are arising. It is “a” feeling or “the” feeling.

We use the term bodily sensations rather than feelings. Take anxiety, for example. Someone might say ‘I’m anxious’. Firstly, they’re identifying the feeling as who they are, thereby personalising it. But anxiety is not the total sum of who they are. It is a label and is not what is radically being experienced in the body.

In releasing, we let go resisting what is actually being experienced, which is simply a cluster of bodily sensations. In this case, the bodily sensations of anxiety may be a knot in the stomach, a dry mouth, tightness in the chest, increased heart rate, a queasiness or a sick feeling in the pit of the stomach.

3. Ignore the story

Let go of the story attached to the feeling itself and keep your attention on the bodily sensations themselves. Allow the thoughts to run, but do not engage with them. Thoughts are merely rationalisations of the feeling. They are the source of the blocks to experiencing a feeling. Go deeper into the blocks and resistance to releasing.

When releasing, there is no requirement to understand why you feel what you feel. Do you want to understand why you feel the way you do, more than you desire peace?

It’s about allowing the energy behind the feeling to dissolve.

4. Allow the feeling to run its course

When releasing, you learn to adopt an internal posture of the witness or observer of whatever is arising. As the witness, you begin to observe the rising, peaking and falling away of any and every feeling from the beginning, through the middle, until the end. The release reaches a cessation once the energy has run out from behind the feeling. It will be replaced with a lighter feeling.

The feeling may return if there is more of it. Apply the same process until the feeling no longer arises. It’s as simple as that.

Imagine you have misplaced your keys. There is instant inner tension. Panic. You think of the loss. The effort, cost and self-judgement that come with having to replace the keys. Then you find them. In that moment, there is a release. You breathe a sigh of relief. That’s the process of releasing. Stop resisting and allow the feeling to run its course.

Adopt principles of curiosity, acceptance and willingness and let go of trying to control or be rid of the feeling. There is nothing ‘to do’ in releasing. It’s all about allowing, welcoming, and inviting the feeling to run its course. It’s learning to ‘be with’ whatever is arising. This is how to love oneself. As to love is to witness.

What releasing is not

❌ Releasing is suppression.

Pushing feelings down isn’t releasing. It’s avoidance. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They build up and resurface, often more strongly. They ‘come out sideways’.

❌ Releasing is expression.

Venting or acting out your feelings can feel cathartic, but it’s not the same as releasing. Expressing feelings can harm relationships, which causes more shame and guilt. Expression may relieve the pressure temporarily, but the underlying energy remains.

❌ Releasing requires analysis.

Trying to figure out “why” you feel a certain way is a block. While insight can be helpful, it doesn’t dissolve the emotion. Releasing gets to the root of the feeling directly.

❌ Releasing is an intellectual process.

Rationalising or trying to think one’s way out of a feeling is not releasing. Ignoring your emotions or pretending they’re not there isn’t releasing. Releasing means being with whatever is arising.

❌ Releasing is outside of oneself.

Personal growth requires emotional honesty and full responsibility. Nothing external is causing an internal reaction. Progress requires that what is arising in the here and now is owned within oneself. What you resist, persists. There is only releasing or resisting.

In releasing coaching, we start with where you’re at in the here and now, and begin to work our way down in consciousness. If there is an unresolved issue from your past, the only time it can affect you is in the here and now.

Ready to learn how?

If you’re ready to release emotions instead of suppressing, expressing, or analysing them, then you’re ready for OUTSIDE help. We teach you how to release in the moment, as life happens, so you can truly live life on life’s terms. Read my answers to the most frequently asked questions.

If you’re interested in working with me, check out my emotional releasing coaching services.

If you’re ready to talk about how releasing can benefit your recovery and explore working with me, book a discovery call today to begin the journey towards emotional freedom.