My journey to emotional freedom

The Beginning of Recovery

My recovery journey began in 2013.

I was hopelessly addicted. I’d lost control of my life, quit my job, and filed for bankruptcy. Eventually, I entered a 28-day rehab and joined a 12-step fellowship.

It worked. I got clean. Life improved. But underneath the surface, something deeper remained unresolved.

The Deeper Wound: Abandonment and Shame

12-step taught me that life’s meaning comes through connection, but relationships were my achilles’ heel. The place where I felt the most broken.

I couldn’t hear until age 3. This developmental injury left me with a deep sense of shame, abandonment, and rejection.

I grew up in a home filled with domestic violence, addiction, neglect and chaos. I acted out constantly. By the time I reached adulthood, I had shut down emotionally.

Addiction and the False Self

In my 20s and 30s, I buried my pain with substances. I cycled through three separate addictions: cocaine, valium, and methamphetamine.

My 20-year sales career masked deep insecurity. The fear of rejection ruled every day. When I performed, I swelled with pride. When I didn’t, I felt worthless. I burned myself out seeking approval, desperate to be seen and validated.

Recovery, but Still Emotionally Stuck

Even in recovery, relationships were chaotic: codependent, intense, and emotionally volatile.

Prayer and inventory helped, but it still felt like I was missing something.

I was labelled with BPD, C-PTSD, ADHD, anxiety and emotional dysregulation, but I chose not to medicate. I didn’t want a managed ego. I wanted to be free.

The Turning Point: Repressed Emotion

I found Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) and it fitted me hand in glove. I worked the 12 steps and uncovered repressed, unexpressed emotion at the root of everything.

I tried everything to access and process it: vipassana meditation, brain-spotting, plant medicines, family constellations, childhood trauma psychiatric hospital, transmission of the guru, kirtan, 5Rhythms, kundalini yoga.

Each brought moments of grace, but nothing truly lasting.

Hitting an Emotional Bottom

Eventually, I hit an emotional bottom in recovery.

After everything I had done, I still felt powerless over my emotional experience.

That’s when I turned to releasing, inspired by the work of Dr. David Hawkins. It was a technique I’d touched on before. I went all in.

What Changed Everything

I committed to a daily practice.

No avoiding, no labelling. Just allowing whatever was coming up to arise. I learned to be present with every emotion. Shame. Guilt. Grief. Apathy. Fear. Desire. Anger. Pride.

I went deeper, releasing the wanting of control, approval, and security.

I stopped acting out. My emotions stopped running me. I experienced out a lifetime of unexpressed grief.

Through the tears, something healed. I experienced peace, wholeness, and joy. I returned to my true self - beyond personality, beyond survival.

From Pain to Purpose

As I healed, I began teaching releasing to friends and family. The results were profound.

I created OUTSIDE help to help anyone and everyone have, do or become anything.

Why I Do This

I believe releasing is the missing link. It empowers people to live life on life’s terms.

Today, I live a life beyond my wildest dreams, free from addiction. No longer driven by fear or shame. I know this is possible for you, too.

Releasing changed my life.

And it can change yours.