To let go, you notice the feeling as a sensation in the body, allow it to be there without trying to change it, and let it run its course. A feeling continues for as long as you resist it, so when you stop resisting, the energy behind it runs out and the feeling shifts to something lighter.
You’ve probably heard people say “just let it go.” Sounds logical and the right thing to do. But how exactly do you ‘let go’? What is the mechanism of letting go? And why do we resist letting go, even though resisting means continued suffering?
Letting go of resentments, fear and control are central to emotional well-being, but few of us were ever taught the ‘how-to’ of letting go.
Let’s clear up the confusion and explore what letting go ‘is’, what it ‘isn’t’ and how it may benefit your life.
What is the letting go technique?
The letting go technique is an innate mechanism of the mind, which allows emotions to come up and be experienced without resisting, analysing, suppressing or expressing them (getting in the way).
At its core, letting go is about unburdening oneself of the internal pressure that keeps us emotionally stuck and is at the root of reactive and addictive behaviour.
So why do we think we need to control our feelings?
The answer is you don’t. The answer is to let go resisting experiencing whatever it is that you’re feeling. Feelings and emotions will keep coming up as the body naturally wants to return to balance. The question is, are you willing to allow what has been unexpressed to come up and be let go of?
How do I do the letting go technique?
To do the letting go technique, notice the feeling as bodily sensations, allow the feeling to be there without resisting it, and allow it to run its course until it falls away. You can do this with any feeling at any time by keeping your attention on the sensations in your body while the thoughts run in the background.
Let's look at the process of letting go in a step-by-step process.
1. Notice the feeling as a collection of bodily sensations.
Letting go begins by letting the feeling come up in the first place. There are three ways to notice that a feeling is arising.
Directly, through the bodily sensations. Indirectly, through the quality of your thinking. Or behaviourally, through the desire to change the feeling state by the use of a pseudo-solution.
Letting go is not a cognitive process. It is not necessary to label the feeling, as labels cannot be let go of.
2. Allow the feeling to be there.
The next step is to let go of any resistance to experience the feeling. Get out of the way.
Let go of any moralising about having the feeling. Let go of any judgment about having the feeling. Get into the radical experience of what is actually being experienced.
This can be uncomfortable, especially at first. But by dropping the resistance to what is being experienced, the energy behind the feeling is then allowed to rise, peak, and fall away. Just like a musical note on a piano.
In letting go, feelings are not personal. Let go of the idea that it’s ‘your’ feeling and be with the experience of the bodily sensations which are arising. It is “a” feeling or “the” feeling.
We use the term bodily sensations rather than feelings. Take anxiety, for example. Someone might say ‘I’m anxious’. Firstly, they’re identifying the feeling as who they are, thereby personalising it. But anxiety is not the total sum of who they are. It is a label and is not what is radically being experienced in the body.
In letting go, we let go resisting what is actually being experienced, which is simply a cluster of bodily sensations. In this case, the bodily sensations of anxiety may be a knot in the stomach, a dry mouth, tightness in the chest, increased heart rate, a queasiness or a sick feeling in the pit of the stomach.
Let go of the story attached to the feeling itself and keep your attention on the bodily sensations themselves. Allow the thoughts to run, but do not engage with them. Thoughts are merely rationalisations of the feeling.
Adopt the principles of curiosity, acceptance and willingness and let go of trying to control or be rid of the feeling. There is nothing ‘to do’ in letting go. It’s about allowing, welcoming, and inviting the feeling to run its course. It’s learning to ‘be with’ whatever is arising.
When letting go, there is no requirement to understand why you feel what you feel. Do you want to understand why you feel the way you do, more than you desire peace?
3. Allow the feeling to run its course.
When letting go, you learn to adopt an internal posture of the witness or observer of whatever is arising. As the witness, you begin to observe the rising, peaking and falling away of any and every feeling from the beginning, through the middle, until the end. A feeling reaches cessation once the energy has run out from behind the feeling. It will be replaced with a lighter feeling.
The feeling may return if there is more of it. Apply the same process until the feeling no longer arises. It’s as simple as that.
Imagine you have misplaced your keys. There is instant inner tension. Panic. You think of the loss. The effort, cost and self-judgement that come with having to replace the keys. Then you find them. In that moment, there is a letting go. You breathe a sigh of relief. That’s the process of letting go. Stop resisting and allow the feeling to run its course.
What letting go is not
❌ Letting go is suppression.
Pushing feelings down isn’t letting go. It’s avoidance. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They build up and resurface, often more strongly. They ‘come out sideways’.
❌ Letting go is expression.
Venting or acting out your feelings can feel cathartic, but it’s not the same as letting go of them. Expressing feelings can harm relationships, which causes more shame and guilt. Expression may relieve the pressure temporarily, but the underlying energy still remains.
❌ Letting go requires analysis.
Trying to figure out “why” you feel a certain way is a block. While insight can be helpful, it doesn’t dissolve the emotion. Letting go gets to the root of the feeling directly.
❌ Letting go is an intellectual process.
Rationalising or trying to think one’s way out of a feeling is not letting go. Ignoring your emotions or pretending they’re not there isn’t letting go. Letting go means being with whatever is arising.
❌ Letting go happens outside of oneself.
Personal growth requires emotional honesty and full responsibility. Nothing external is causing an internal reaction. Progress requires that what is arising in the here and now is owned within oneself.
In letting go coaching, we start with where you’re at in the here and now, and begin to work our way down in consciousness. If there is an unresolved issue from your past, the only time it can affect you is in the here and now.
Read the book and struggling to put it into practice? Read Letting Go by Dr David Hawkins: how to actually do what the book describes.
Letting go applies within relationships too. Read Letting go when you love someone.
The same process supports emotional sobriety. Read What is emotional sobriety in 12-step recovery?
Repressed emotions are covered in depth too. Read Repressed Emotions: What They Are and How Letting Go Works With Them.
Frequently asked questions about the letting go technique
Who created the letting go technique?
The letting go technique comes from Dr David Hawkins, a psychiatrist and the author of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender and Power vs. Force. I teach his technique in 1:1 letting go coaching, drawing on 13 years of daily practice.
What is the difference between letting go and suppressing, expressing or escaping a feeling?
Suppression pushes the feeling down, expression vents or acts it out, and escape distracts you from it with food, scrolling, drinking or work. All three are forms of resistance. Letting go means you stop resisting the feeling itself and allow it to rise, peak and fall away.
How do I know the letting go technique is working?
You feel lighter or calmer after a feeling has run its course, your reactions are shorter, and old behaviours begin to fall away. Read Does the letting go technique work? for the full list of signs.
Can I learn the letting go technique on my own?
Yes. Dr Hawkins' book explains the technique in full, and many people start there. Where people get stuck is the gap between understanding it and doing it, which is where letting go coaching helps.
Is the letting go technique a substitute for therapy or medical treatment?
No. Letting go is not a clinical or therapeutic intervention, and it is not designed to treat mental illness. If you are in treatment, consult your mental health provider.
Ready to learn how?
If you’re ready to start letting go of emotions instead of suppressing, expressing, or escaping them, then you’re ready for OUTSIDE help. I teach you how to let go in the moment, as life happens. Read my answers to the most frequently asked questions.
If you’re interested in working with me, check out my letting go coaching services.
If you’re ready to talk about how letting go can benefit your life and explore working with me, book a discovery call today to begin the journey towards freedom.
