Will letting go conflict with my religion or spiritual path?

Not at all. Letting go has no belief system, doctrine, or dogma. It’s compatible with all spiritual, religious, and personal growth paths. It simply helps you let go of what’s blocking you.

How is letting go different from traditional therapy?

Letting go is led by you, not the practitioner. It’s a here-and-now process, focused on what you’re experiencing in the present moment, and does not involve analysis of the past. No need to talk (unless helpful). No diagnosis or labels. You lead the process, and the coach gently supports. Think of it in terms of a comet: In therapy, the therapist is the head, and you are the tail. In letting go, you are the head.

Is letting go a substitute for medical or psychiatric treatment?

No. Letting go is not a clinical or therapeutic intervention. It’s a spiritual and emotional process, not designed to treat mental illness. Always consult with your mental health provider if you are in treatment.

What’s the difference between a feeling and a bodily sensation?

Feelings are labels. Sensations are experiences. For example, “anxiety” is a label. The radical experience of someone experiencing “anxiety” is: A knot in your stomach. Tightness in your chest. Tingling in your hands. Waves of nausea. Dry mouth. Letting go helps you to be with the bodily sensations, not the stories around them.

I feel frozen and disconnected from my emotions. Can letting go help?

Yes. Letting go helps you connect with what’s happening in your body, even if you feel numb, heavy or empty. Those sensations, or absence of them, can be let go of. You can also let go of thought patterns or behaviours when emotions are hard to access directly.

I’m feeling emotions very intensely. Is that normal?

Yes, and it’s a good sign. You’re letting go of stored emotional energy that’s been repressed for years. Imagine a bottle of shaken coke. when you first open it, everything comes rushing out. With time and practice, it settles. You're not doing it wrong, this is part of the healing.

I’m a thinker, not a feeler. Can I still let go?

Yes. "Being a thinker" is often just a thought or a belief. You can let go on: Thought patterns (“I should be better by now”). Behaviours (avoidance, procrastination or control). Any bodily sensations that arise. You don't need to be "in touch" with your emotions to begin.

What if I can’t (or don’t want to) let go of something?

That’s okay. You can choose to hold on. To resist. Letting go isn’t about force. It's about letting go of resistance as what you resist, persists.

Is it really this simple?

Yes. It is, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Letting go is a natural human ability. The challenge lies in letting go of the need to control our feelings. Addiction numbs. Letting go helps you feel and be free.

Do I need to let go and meditate separately?

Not necessarily. Letting go can be integrated into your meditation practice. Instead of focusing on your breath, you focus on bodily sensations. You ignore thoughts and stay with the felt experience. This becomes a form of meditation one that leads to lightness and clarity.

Should I stop therapy before starting to let go?

If you're currently in therapy, I recommend completing that process first. Otherwise, there's a risk of crediting your growth to therapy when it may be the result of your own letting go work. It's important to stay clear and committed during emotional integration.

What does a letting go coaching session look like?

A session includes: Connecting with what’s currently arising. Discussing the blocks to letting go. Reviewing insights and wins. Guided letting go together. Integration and self-practice support. You'll also receive check-ins between sessions to support your daily progress.

Can I learn to let go on my own?

Yes. I can teach you the basic technique. However, coaching accelerates integration into a daily practice through accountability and working through blocks to letting go. Over time, it becomes second nature.

What happens if I stop letting go?

There’s no penalty, but the emotional weight may return. Letting go is like emotional hygiene: When practised regularly, it creates freedom. When stopped, some of the old emotional patterns may resurface. You can always return to it.

Letting go when you love someone: why it's so hard, and how to start.

14 Oct

Written By Timothy OToole

Letting go when you love someone means letting go of the attachment, not the person or the love. What keeps you stuck is resistance: wanting control, approval or security from them, and refusing to feel the grief of loss. Notice the feeling as bodily sensations, allow it, and let it run its course. The love stays. The grip goes.

You know you need to let go. Maybe they've left. Maybe they're still here, and you can't stop trying to fix, rescue or hold on to them.

You've told yourself to move on a hundred times. You've read the advice. Cut contact. Stay busy. Focus on yourself.

And still the feeling won't shift.

That's because letting go isn't a decision you make in your head. It's something that happens in the body, when you stop resisting what you feel.

What does letting go of someone you love actually mean?

Letting go of someone you love means letting go of your attachment to them. The love can stay. The person can even stay in your life.

Attachment is the part that grips. It's the need for them to act a certain way, feel a certain way, or come back. It's the part that checks your phone, replays the conversation and rehearses what you'll say next time.

Dr David Hawkins describes attachment as a form of wanting. When we're attached, our peace depends on something outside of ourselves. Letting go returns it to where it belongs.

Why can't I let go of someone I love?

You can't let go because part of you is still resisting a feeling. Underneath the attachment there's usually one of four things.

1. Wanting control. If you could just say the right thing, they'd change. They'd stay. They'd see it. Control feels like hope, and it keeps you hooked.

2. Wanting approval. Their love has become proof that you're enough. Letting go feels like losing that proof.

3. Wanting security. The fear of being alone, of starting again, of the unknown. Holding on feels safer, even when it hurts.

4. Avoiding grief. Letting go means feeling the loss. Most of us will do almost anything to avoid that. So we hold on, and the grief waits.

Each of these is a feeling you haven't yet allowed yourself to experience. That's the resistance. And resistance is what keeps the attachment in place.

How we hold on

Most of us deal with painful feelings in one of three ways. In a relationship, they look like this.

Suppression. Pushing it down. Telling yourself you're fine. Being "over it" by Tuesday. The feeling goes underground and comes out sideways.

Expression. The 2am text. The argument. Going over it again and again with friends. It feels like release, but expression reinforces the feeling. The energy behind it stays.

Escape. Drinking, scrolling, working late, jumping into something new. Anything to avoid being with what's there.

Each one is a way of resisting the feeling. Letting go offers another way: let go resisting the feeling itself.

How to let go when you love someone

Next time the feeling comes up, when you think of them, see their name, or pass the place you used to go, try this.

1. Notice the feeling as bodily sensations. A tightness in the chest. A hollow in the stomach. Heat behind the eyes. Drop the story about them and stay with what's happening in your body. "I miss her" is a label. The ache in your chest is the feeling.

2. Allow it. Let it be there. Let go of wanting it gone, wanting it to make sense, or wanting them to fix it. Be willing to feel it fully, for as long as it lasts.

3. Let it run its course. Allowed, the feeling rises, peaks and falls away. Something lighter takes its place. If it comes back, there's more of it. Let that go too.

You'll often find grief underneath the attachment. Let it come. Grief that's allowed moves through. Grief that's resisted stays.

For the full technique step by step, read How to let go: the Letting Go technique by Dr David Hawkins explained. For the loss itself, read how to let go of grief.

What changes when you let go

The love doesn't disappear. What disappears is the grip.

You stop checking. You stop rehearsing. You can think of them without your stomach dropping. If they're still in your life, you can be with them without needing them to be different.

You choose a response rather than react. And you get your peace back, because it was never theirs to hold.

If you notice yourself pushing back against all this, that's normal. Learn more about resistance to letting go.

Ready to learn how?

If you're ready to stop holding on and start letting go, then you're ready for OUTSIDE help. I teach you how to let go in the moment, as life happens. Read my answers to the most frequently asked questions.

If you're interested in working with me, check out my letting go coaching services.

If you're ready to talk about how letting go can benefit your life and explore working with me, book a discovery call today to begin the journey towards freedom.