You stop being controlled by your emotions by letting go of them, not by controlling them. Control is a form of resistance, and what you resist, persists. The letting go technique by Dr David Hawkins offers another way: notice the feeling as bodily sensations, allow it, and let it run its course. As the stored charge behind your reactions is let go of, you choose a response rather than react.
One message, one comment, one look, and you're gone. The reaction is out before you've had a chance to think.
Afterwards, you know it was out of proportion. You promise yourself it won't happen again. And then it does.
So you try harder to keep a lid on it. To stay calm. To be the bigger person. And the harder you try, the more the feelings seem to run the show.
Why your emotions feel like they're in control
Feelings that have never been allowed don't disappear. They're stored. Over time, the pressure builds.
When something in the present touches that stored feeling, it isn't only today's feeling that comes up. It's everything behind it. That's why reactions feel bigger than the situation.
The feeling wants to come up. The body naturally wants to return to balance. The problem isn't the feeling. It's the resistance to experiencing it.
Why trying to control your emotions doesn't work
Most of us were taught to manage feelings in one of three ways.
Suppression. Holding it in. Biting your tongue. Telling yourself you're fine. The feeling goes underground and comes out sideways, often at the wrong person, at the wrong time.
Expression. Letting rip. The argument, the slammed door, the message you wish you hadn't sent. It feels like release, but expression reinforces the feeling. Then come the shame and guilt.
Escape. Drinking, eating, scrolling, working. Anything to change the feeling state instead of feeling it.
Each one is a way of controlling the feeling. And each one keeps it in place.
So why do we think we need to control our feelings? The answer is you don't. The answer is to let go resisting experiencing whatever it is that you're feeling.
You are not your feelings
Notice how we talk about emotions. "I'm angry." "I'm anxious." We identify with the feeling as if it were who we are.
But anxiety is not the total sum of who you are. It's a label. And labels can't be let go of.
In letting go, feelings are not personal. It isn't "my" anger. It's "a" feeling. What is actually being experienced is a cluster of bodily sensations: heat in the face, a clenched jaw, a tight chest, a racing heart.
When you stop identifying with a feeling, it loses its grip. You begin to take the position of the witness, observing the feeling rise, peak and fall away.
How to let go in the moment
The next time you feel a reaction coming, try this.
Notice the feeling as bodily sensations. Before you speak or act, bring your attention to the body. Where is it? What does it feel like? Drop the story about what they did.
Allow it. Let go of any resistance to experiencing it. Let go of moralising or judging yourself for having it. Be willing to feel it fully.
Let it run its course. Allowed, the feeling rises, peaks and falls away. You don't need to act on it, and you don't need to push it down.
At first, you may only catch it afterwards. That's fine. Let go of what's left. Over time, you'll catch it in the middle, and then before it takes over.
For the full technique step by step, read How to let go: the Letting Go technique by Dr David Hawkins explained.
Choose a response rather than react
This is what changes. Not that the feelings stop coming. They will keep coming. What changes is that there's space between the feeling and what you do next.
In that space, you get to choose.
The same person, the same comment, the same situation. But you can feel what comes up, let it run its course, and respond in a way you won't regret.
What changes over time
As stored feelings are let go of, the charge behind your reactions reduces. Clients consistently describe:
Feeling more capable of handling difficult emotions
Fewer conflicts, and better communication
Clearer boundaries
Less need to escape into old habits
Greater harmony in relationships
Some people notice feelings coming up more intensely at first. That's a good sign. It's stored emotional energy finally being let go of. With time and practice, it settles.
If you notice yourself pushing back against all this, that's normal. Learn more about resistance to letting go.
Wondering whether letting go will work for you? Read does the letting go technique work?
Ready to learn how?
If you're ready to stop being run by your reactions and start letting go of what's behind them, then you're ready for OUTSIDE help. I teach you how to let go in the moment, as life happens. Read my answers to the most frequently asked questions.
If you're interested in working with me, check out my letting go coaching services.
If you're ready to talk about how letting go can benefit your life and explore working with me, book a discovery call today to begin the journey towards freedom.
