To let go of anger and resentment, notice the feeling as bodily sensations, allow it to be there without resisting it, and allow it to run its course until it falls away. The story about what happened can run in the background while your attention stays with the sensations in your body.
You may have tried to forgive, to rise above it, or to let it go by deciding to. And still the anger returns the moment the memory does. Deciding to let go is a thought, and the feeling is held in the body.
What is the difference between anger and resentment?
Anger is a feeling that rises when something seems wrong, unfair or threatening to us. Resentment is anger that has stayed around, usually because it has been pushed down or replayed through the story of what happened. Dr David Hawkins devotes a chapter of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender to anger, and the mechanism for letting go of resentment is the same as for any other feeling.
Why is it so hard to let go of anger and resentment?
Most of us were never taught what to do with a feeling, so we do one of three things. We suppress it by swallowing it and saying we are fine. We express it by venting, arguing or sending the message. Or we escape it through food, scrolling, drinking or work. All three are forms of resistance, and what you resist, persists. Resentment forms when this happens over and over. Each time the story is replayed, the anger comes up again and meets the same resistance, so it never gets the chance to run its course.
How do I let go of anger?
Here is the process in three steps.
1. Notice the anger as a collection of bodily sensations.
Anger is a label. What is actually being experienced might be heat in the face, a tight jaw, clenched hands, pressure in the chest or a surge in the stomach. Keep your attention on those sensations rather than on the person or the story.
2. Allow the feeling to be there.
Let go of any judgment about having the feeling, whether that is "I shouldn't be this angry" or "they deserve it". Allow the thoughts to run, but do not engage with them, because thoughts are rationalisations of the feeling. There is nothing to do except allow.
3. Allow the feeling to run its course.
Observe the anger rise, peak and fall away like a note on a piano. It will be replaced with a lighter feeling. If it returns, there is more of it, so apply the same process again until it no longer arises. For the full process, read How to let go: the Letting Go technique by Dr David Hawkins explained.
How do I let go of resentment towards a particular person?
Resentment towards a person is anger attached to a story about them. When the thought of that person arrives, bring your attention to the sensations that come with it and allow them to run their course. The feeling is arising in you now, so it can be let go of now, whatever the other person does or says. Letting go of the feeling leaves your opinion of what happened intact, and what lightens is the charge behind the memory.
Anger and resentment often run strongest with the people closest to us. Read Letting go when you love someone. If resisting the feeling is where you get stuck, read why you resist letting go.
Frequently asked questions about anger and resentment
What is the difference between anger and resentment?
Anger is a feeling that rises when something seems wrong, unfair or threatening. Resentment is anger that has stayed around, usually because it has been pushed down or replayed.
Can I let go of anger without understanding why I am angry?
Yes. There is no requirement to understand why you feel what you feel. Analysis keeps the attention in the head, and letting go takes place in the bodily sensations.
Is venting anger the same as letting go of it?
Venting can feel cathartic and relieves the pressure temporarily, but the underlying energy remains. Letting go means you stop resisting the feeling itself and allow it to rise, peak and fall away.
How long does it take to let go of anger?
You can feel the effect of letting go of a single feeling within minutes. Integrating it into daily life takes longer, because letting go is a skill that develops with practice.
Is letting go a substitute for therapy or medical treatment?
No. Letting go is not a clinical or therapeutic intervention, and it is not designed to treat mental illness. If you are in treatment, consult your mental health provider.
Ready to learn how?
If you're ready to stop carrying anger and resentment and start letting them go, then you're ready for OUTSIDE help. I teach you how to let go in the moment, as life happens. Read my answers to the most frequently asked questions.
If you're interested in working with me, check out my letting go coaching services.
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